I’m a Vampiric Steeple Chaser

14.80 miles
Minutes – who needs minutes (dang GPS fail)
Stupid, Stupid, Very Sweaty Strides

Dear iMapMyRun,

You and I have had such a great relationship.  You whisper sweet everythings into my ear, begging me to go faster or sometimes take it nice and slow with you.  We’ve gone all sorts of places, but today you failed me in the worst of ways, and my legs.  Well, they just might not be able to forgive you.


I be so smart sometimes.

This might be pretty, or the death of me, who knows?

Embracing my inner vampire I opted to get up pre-dawn to get a 10-ish mile run in before the sun decided to wreak heat havoc on the OC.   As I watched the sky turn from purple to blue and then the yellow crept over the mountains, I had myself thoroughly convinced I would burst into flames.

But lest the heat distract me from the early morning torture run, I suddenly had a new distraction: the IMMEDIATE need for a bathroom.

Bathroom spotted- but not without a challenge.  Fence hopping anyone?  I did just say I wanted to run the steeplechase right?

Nothing says fun like trying not to defecate  while hopping over 2 fences during a run.

Thanks to a GPS fail and monster brain fart, I wandered too far from home and I realized I was about 6 miles from my house about 20 minutes before I needed to be home for a proper cool down and shower before work.  Oopsies.

[Begin massive panic induced tempo run]

And that kids, is how 10 miles becomes 16 total.

Literally classy pants.

When all was said and done I had run about 15 miles, walked 1, and had 13 minutes to shower & stretch.  I took a freaky fast cold shower to stop the sweating and slide my bright red Aspaeris Pivots under a sundress in hopes my hips and quads would forgive me for not taking care of them after my run.

Most importantly, I made it to my meeting on time. 

This was a super awesome plan until…well, I forgot I had had a dermatologist appointment after my meetings.  I walked in and they promptly asked me to “disrobe to your underwear”.  Surprise Dr!  Forgets the tidy whities, I be wearing patriotic compression shorts!  (No I cannot wear underwear underneath anything tight, sorry)

So kids, when you need to always have clean underwear on, remember to have clean compression shorts on as well (luckily mine were!)


The Butt Hug: Aspaeris Pivot Review

My youngest son is butt height.  So he often comes behind me and gives me a squeeze with his face firmly planted into my behind.

It’s cute and he doesn’t seem to mind, but I kinda feel badly for him.  Of all the places you don’t want to put your face, it’s directly in my rear.  But somehow, he still keeps giving me the butt hug.

Yes this is my 45 pound, 48 inch son…you know the one who was wearing 2T swim trunks he’s so skinny actually WEARING these comfortably.

The other day I received my order of Aspaeris Pivot shorts (note I paid for these…this is an unsolicited review)  in the mail.   My first reaction was, “I am going to fit into these how?”  They’re basically as wide as my arm.   As you can see in the picture – my super skinny 5 year old had them on and these were supposed to hug over my toosh.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I put them on and felt like Vanilla was hugging my behind the entire time I had them on.

They were spectacularly tight and given the recovering groin injury, it makes me feel a little more comfortable “opening ‘er up” on my runs.   So quote me on this Aspaeris, wearing your shorts is like one giant prolonged ass hug.  And it feels mighty fine.

The Pros:

-Nothing is going nowhere.  These babies cling tighter than two teenagers in a dark movie theater.

-With the two layers of fabric you’ll never be concerned you have camel toe.

-They come up Jessica Simpson jean incident high to suck in my 2 baby belly skin.  I thought putting these on would be as difficult as putting canned biscuits back in the tube, but turns out they weren’t.

-I don’t know what they do technically, but they feel great.

The Could Have Been a Bit Better:

Picture attempt #1 – fail.  5 year old throws leg on lap.

-I got in on the buy one red pair deal which I cannot possibly run in.  I’ll have to use these for recovery only.  I only run in black due to…ahem…bladder issues that creep up at unexpected times.  Thankyoufirstbornson. End rant.

-No pocket.  Even my skinny minny spandex shorts have a little pocket for a key on the back outside which I actually use fairly regularly.

Picture attempt #2 – double fail.  Other 5 year old throws head on lap.

-If you have to pee in the bushes midrun then it’s a little tangly & difficult to get back into them.  Not that I ever do that, what?

That’s pretty much it.  Since I’m on the mend from my groin injury I’ll just simply hope that this is the “added insurance” as I’m ramping up distances and times.

Do you squeeze your butt?

Do you compress?  If so what’s your favorite compression item?