I’m notorious for having the worst timing.
Take, for example, the time I was bowling and stumbled into the bathroom to find a woman struggling to take a poorly executed duck face selfie. Being the
kind person that I am person who wanted to avoid getting publicly humiliated with my horrible bowling skills, I offered to take her picture.
And that’s when it happened. Duck face in the mirror selfie taker hoisted her leg up onto the bathroom counter showing the whole photo taking audience (hello, at this point it’s me) her thinly veiled bidness. It was at that VERY moment that the bathroom door swung open and my family and friends poured in.
And there I was, holding a stranger’s camera, taking a picture of this woman who threw me into her very own personal moment.
Last night’s run kept up my bad timing mojo. I did the mom thing of trying to run during a sports practice.
I started at the park and noticed a big problem – no bathrooms. No biggie, I peed 20 minutes ago.
Half a mile in, the bottle of water I had just pounded caught up to me. I started running up and downhill at a sub 7-minute mile pace with 3 thoughts running through my head:
1- My well woman visit the day before where the doctor asked about post-preganancy incontinence (yes 9 years to the day later) and I blew it off saying, “It’s pretty much under control.” Which was basically the biggest liary of lies ever. My traumatic first childbirth wreaked havoc on my bladder and still
2- I lamented every stoplight that I have ever, ever sat at without doing any Kegel’s and wished horrible things upon the weakness of my pelvic floor.
3- A vision of my pink Dear Kates hanging on the drying rack instead of being plastered on my butt where they should have been at that very moment sparing me from the ever increasing likelihood of a football practice pickup with a shirt tied around my waist. I still LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these bad boys.
A few miles in I found an unsuspecting coffee shop and my bladder contracted in relief…until I noticed the “Open” sign was off and they were closed. *whimper*
With the clock ticking closer and closer to practice ending and my superior chauffeuring services being in timely need, I blazed into the next shop – a nail salon. (eh, desperate times, desperate measures)
Breathlessly I squeaked out…..”Can I please use your bathroom?”.
The woman pointed towards the back and nodded yes while everyone else in the salon glared at me and muttered what I can only assume were really kind things like, “Wow, kudos to her for squeezing a workout in!” and “I love those running shoes!“.
My bladder did a happy dance at the sight of the porcelain throne, I barreled out of there promising to return someday to get what is left of my toenails prettified.
I sprinted the last 1.5 miles back to practice in time to watch a few minutes of practice before dragging the bambinos home for dinner.
The good news: due to the bad timing, I had a fabulous hilly run with good times, even if my bladder will never forgive me.
What’s the worst timing you’ve had lately?
What’s the weirdest place you’ve stopped to use the bathroom on a run?