True Confession Thursday: A Better Me

PiYo whatever
Stretchy Strengthy Strides

I had a really funny True Confession Thursday all queued up for your reading pleasure- sure to make you chuckle…but for a minute I want to get a little more serious and a lot more honest.

Secret:  Strawberry was the best surprise I’ve ever had.

I had big dreams you know.  When I was 5, I had two very distinct, but clearly compatible career choices I was going to pursue:

to be a Supreme Court Justice, oh and to be Vanna White.

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M’lady Sandy Day -O (childhood hero) and Vanna White (slightly more embarrassing childhood hero)

With dreams like that and a penchant for words, it’s no surprised I studied English in college 😉

Sure, I thought about having kids, but wasn’t sure when I’d fit it in between my justice purveying and letter turning.  But, life, as it so often turns out, had different plans.

And can I say, I’ve never been happier that my plans turned out differently.

Without these three bambinos, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today.

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This morning I was flying out for work and didn’t get to see the boys this morning.  As I literally flew over the house the thought of their sticky, sweat morning smell clung to my nose.  My lips pulsed to kiss their warm, weary cheeks.  My ears longed to hear the sound of their muffled mewing as they sleepily sound out the morning’s breakfast orders (#1- frozen blueberries & honey toast, #2- peanut butter toast & milk, #3- plain oatmeal, not to soggy with blueberries and milk).

And then I did something I don’t do often, ESPECIALLY in public.  I just started crying.  Right there on the plane – tears streaming down my face (gah! the one day I wear makeup!), snot trickling out of my nose, I miss you more than they will ever realize tears.

Sandy Day-O would probably be ashamed.

And then I remembered the best part of motherhood – those little men have made me the best version of me.  While my childhood plans were filled with plans of making a change in the world (have you seen how many viewers Wheel of Fortune has?!?), little did I know that I would be given the opportunity to have my world changed by three little people, in ways I could never, ever in my wildest dreams imagine.

My boys have made me the best version of me possible.  They constantly stretch me to be more patient, to deepen my understanding, to drag out compassion and grace when I think that there’s none left to give, to dig deeper when reaching my goals because three little sets of eyes are watching, to realize that whenever I think I have anything figured out, there’s a whole mountain of knowledge left to climb.  They let me see the world in a new way, they force me to be honest with myself, they show me what faith really, truly, and clearly means every. single. day.

While I love their ever growing independence, every moment they are away, it’s like a little pieces of my heart are walking around in this big, scary world.  And I’ll be totally honest, I have no idea how to cope with that.  I suppose it will get easier, but some days, it just doesn’t feel like it ever will.

So I never got to be on the Supreme Court.  And Vanna, thanks to Botox and a good surgeon, will never, ever need to retire leaving a job opening.  But that’s okay, I ended up getting the best job in the world anyway.

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12 thoughts on “True Confession Thursday: A Better Me

  1. Great post. I share my two kids with their dad 50/50 and it kills me when they’re not around. I miss them so much. I was full of world-saving energy in college and then had my son at 21 and the Peace Corps said ‘thanks, but no thanks’ 😦 I told them I’d raise my babies in a hut with no running water, but I think they knew best! Loving your blog, great mix of running and family life!

  2. I remember (way back) to the days when I thought I’d be a career first, family last kind of girl. Somewhere along the way I changed and, like you, have become a better person because of the kiddos. I will admit to saying things like “If I didn’t have kids I could…” in my weaker moments. But I’d never want it to be different.

  3. The love and devotion you have for your family shines through every one of your posts. Makes my day and encourages me to enjoy the fleeting moments I have while my guys are still young. FWIW, tho, you could’ve given Vanna a run for her money…

  4. This post of yours really sent my mind on quite the adventure. I can hardly imagine what my life will be like a few years down the road, and to be honest, it freaks me out a little. But I think that’s the beauty of it all.

  5. My oldest was also a surprise, and like you, my big dreams and aspirations changed. I had a similar situation yesterday where I was completely overwhelmed by how much I love them…although, they were pestering me with a thousand questions about what will happen to me when I get old. 🙂 I can’t imagine my life without my boys, and I am also so grateful for how they have helped me grow!

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