The Unsoccer Mom

35 minutes on Stair Master
Stupid Steppin’ Strides

I felt good so I hit the stair master…which was really stupid.  I have more thoughts on that in the future though.

Remember when I was complaining about the chronic lack of wrist sweat a few days ago?

I’m never doing that again.

On Wednesday I realized my ankle wasn’t swollen – winning!  I dug out an old ankle brace, took a sniff and decided it didn’t smell too bad.  I compressed the crap out of my foot and hit the bike for 30 minutes at the gym.  Minimal pain, no swelling when done so we’ll take it as progress.

Not too shabby.

Then the text came.  THE text.

Soccer Coach:  Hey Sheila, I have to be at my daughter’s school, can you run practice?

Uhh…sure I guess.  It was a cool, crisp 90 degrees so I can’t imagine anything else I’d want to be doing right now.  (sitting in the air conditioned Starbcucks sipping an iced latte)  

Plus, I know a lot about soccer.  You use your feet and kick the ball inside the lines.

Kidding.  I love it when my kids score touchdowns playing soccer!

My experience with soccer can be summed up in a few rules.  So here’s my runner’s guide to soccer.

#1 – Make awkward faces and strut around like a chicken.  The other team will be confused they will avoid you at all costs.

#2 – Choose to play against a team that is half your size.  And smile.  People always wonder what you’re up to when you’re smiling. 

#3 – When in doubt use air quotes.  It totally psychs out the other team.

#4 – And wear a cup. You never know when some unsuspecting 4 year old is going to cleat your special place.

I wish I were kidding, but that sums up my soccer knowledge.  I’m pretty sure the kids learned a lot from me.  Plus courtesy of the unrelenting heat – I got my sweat on, and then some.

Let’s just say that these studs were bending it like Beckham and likely disappointed by my appropriately short, undoubtedly failure ridden soccer coaching career.

The good news – after the kid chasing, biking and general silliness my ankle was okay, not great, but okay.  Methinks a short run is just a couple of days out.  And I think the soccer team only needs about 4 sessions with the real coach to undo the damage done.

Advice:  How do you say no?

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8 thoughts on “The Unsoccer Mom

  1. It only took me years of watching your sisters play and one year of assistant coaching to learn what “off sides” meant. I find myself kicking my foot out trying to score a goal while watching KEnz’s game 😉

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